Chipped Nails – Day 6: What are You Afraid of?

 

The Awkward Yeti

There isn’t much that scares me. I don’t like being afraid so I actively avoid haunted houses and the like. Plus I often get nightmares if I see excessive amounts of blood which horror films seem to truck in like it’s going out of style. But I digress,

My biggest fear is being a failure. Yeah, I know that’s just as stereotypical as saying “I fear death.” But hear me out.

I’m not afraid of not reaching my dreams. If you’ve been following this you’ll know from day 4 that I don’t have a dream job, or anything like that. I’m afraid of failing at the little things around me. Things as simple as not meeting someone important’s expectations, or not getting an assignment done for my superior on time even though it wasn’t high priority.

I will literally run myself into the group to keep from falling into my own personal pit of failure. And you know what the worst part of all of it is? I’ve made my own standard for failure. I make the rules of my own worst fear, so if something is ok by it one day, I don’t care. But the next day, something incredibly trivial can feel like the end of the world. Most days I’m afraid I’ll fail other people, but I determine my success or lack there of, and rarely base it off of what the other person tells me (unless I did actually screw up, then they simply justify my observations about myself).

I’ve even hit the point of knowing I’m going to fail another person before I even begin, because “I’m human and I’m sinful.”

Scripture tells us that we need to cast all of our anxieties on Him, and that we have no reason to fear the world when God is on our side. And this makes my fear completely ridiculous and illogical. Yes, we’re all human, and we’re all sinful and we will all fail. But that’s ignoring half of the equation.

To say “I’m going to fail” is the flip side of saying “God’s not giving me a way to succeed.”

If someone told me this, I would probably call them blasphemous and have a good long prayer session with them….even though I tell myself this at least 50 times a day.

It isn’t our fears that define us, but what we do about them. If I doubt God’s ability to take care of me and use the situations that I may “fail” within 50 times a day. I need to ask for Him to strengthen me and show me who He is 51 times.

If we let our fears define us, they will be our captors, but if we let God handle our weaknesses, then we will always be safe within his grasp.

 

College Student, Hopeful Writer – a Little Bit About Me

I’ve been writing ever since I can remember. I wrote (and illustrated) my first book series in early elementary school. I remember sitting at my little desk with stapled printer paper and a pen in front of me.

I spent all of my free time pouring into these books. I gave them everything my first grade self knew to do –  they are the definition of plagerism, and I stole the structure from American Girl’s historical fiction series. But I was 7, and a writer.

My mom, being the wonderful home school mother that she is, let me loose on this project, and within a week I had all 7 books completed. Never before had I been so proud of something. This is the moment I realized my love of words and all the power and beauty they hold.

In my middle school years I wrote two novels – one blatantly ripping off Disney’s Mulan (13-year-old me didn’t care about copyright laws) and another set on the Titanic as a response to my hatred of the James Cameron film (but that’s rant another day). It wasn’t until I came to college that I started to take writing seriously, and I hope to make a career out of the written word.

I hope to eventually create a career out of words, I know that I need to improve and continue to train in order to become better at my craft.

That is exactly what I plan for this blog to become: a way for me to keep myself accountable to my projects, and share some of them with you, along with updates on my personal adventures. I hope you enjoy. 🙂

~Kaylee